恶作剧报道(2/3)

“妈呀你们韩国人别把我笑死”

“便秘是非常痛苦的疾病，在我们印度恒河水是救命良药，喝一口就可以通体舒畅”

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“他妈的哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈”

“你别管我叫什么，这事我轻轻松松就能给你办了，就是我这纹身，咳咳，是不是可以更华丽点呢？”说完它又挤出一个谄媚到让人起鸡皮疙瘩的笑容。

糟了，它掉马甲了，该死的，它这张嘴这么这么没把门的呢，小珠子也就是zero在心里一万个后悔啊，它伟大的名讳从权志龙嘴里说出来瞬间就掉价了。

不对，倒也有能和它并肩的，不过那家伙现在又不在地球上，再说了它那么死板，当然还是本zero大人最厉害了，啊哈哈哈哈哈哈！

“挂羊头卖狗肉是吧，白让我紧张这么久了，小老D你贱贱的”

驳杂的信息系统呈现在zero的意识海里，随着思绪的下沉它迅速找到了D社的信息库，稍微一检索就找到了他们中午要放出的通告。

“别搭理他们，喝死了也是活该，一群小偷”

“那不就是壮阳药吗？杨贤硕拉不出屎就算了还吃这种药，他都不嫌丢人吗？”

zero听完直呼太缺德了，这小子是蔫坏蔫坏的啊，他这一手是报复了两方人啊，够损，它喜欢，于是它又往原来的数据库里添了点新东西。

“嗯嗯好，别等韩国的开塞露炒起来了打脸哦，小西八”

“zero？你叫zero？”权志龙挑挑眉一脸戏谑的看着它，哟，小东西还有名字呢，还挺洋气。

“说好的关于权志龙的惊天大爆料呢，谁在意杨贤硕能不能拉出来屎了，我看D社是在拉屎才对，西巴诈骗报社”

D社疯了，这是绝大多数人看见报道的第一想法，很快这篇报道就病毒式的传播了起来，瞬间就达到了惊人的转发量，评论里有各种不同语言的人来凑热闹。

不行，这事不能这么算了，权志龙早被D社整的烦死了，正好趁着这会儿功夫教训教训他们，他伸手把zero招呼过来，对着它一阵耳语。

“那个中国人说开塞露是中国知名的保健品品牌，可以治疗阳痿”

zero看了一下里面附的图片，用肉眼看根本看不出来那人是权志龙，不过他肩膀上的幼馨倒是挺清楚的，尤其是那圆滚滚的小肚皮，好可爱嘿嘿(·ˇvˇ·)

“Western teachings say that poor physical obstruction is the result of bad luck, and he must&n

“救命啊救命啊谁来救救我，我要笑死了，D社今年开年第一爆居然是杨贤硕便秘，菊花你好大的脸面啊”

“看正文看正文！正文更好笑，说他光放屁不拉屎，每天在厕所偷偷用开塞露，还说开塞露是甜的”

“Wow, what is this saying, GD's boss is constipated, so embarrassing！”（哇，这是在说什么，GD的老板便秘，真尴尬！）

我称第二没人敢称第一。”

“开塞露又名Ksailuv，是我们中国本土知名的饮料品牌，不面向国外市场所以你们不清楚，营养价值极高，对治肠胃有着惊人的功效，我只能说喝过的都说好（一派胡言）”

如果说一开始它身上这半块能称得上是贵族装扮，那么权志龙新设计的这个就能称得上是黄袍加身了，兴奋的zero直接在屋子里劈里啪啦的弹射起来了。

“谁来翻译一下上面在说什么？”

“补充，是阳痿肾虚还不肯承认的嘴硬小偷呀”

“别他妈蹦了，快点把东西给我删了，马上就到十二点了我说！”咻咻咻的看的权志龙眼疼，他伸手一把把乱窜的zero抓住，捏住它狠狠的威胁了一番，zero这才冷静下来去删照片。

“我靠他们不会真喝吧？翻译错误真的要命”

“虽然便秘不太好，但是我认为腹泻也没有多好”

今年拍到的其他艺人的恋情照片被对方公司买了，D社为了吸引注意力从日本记者那里买了点照片，报道里句句都往权志龙有私生子那方面引导，其实都是狗屁不通的瞎扯。

其实D社也是有心眼的，YG联系他们时候他们就说是权志龙有私生子，要是对面坚持说要买那就是真有这么回事，对面没理那就算他们蹭热度了，被告了也不怕，干他们这行就是吃官司比饭多。

“只有中国人才需要这些东西，我们韩国人从来不稀罕用”

临近十二点的时候D社这边的人眼看舆论已经沸腾起来了，确认了一遍新闻稿无误之后就卡点点了发送，殊不知发出去的一瞬间就被zero撰写的程序给替换了。

【您好，这里是Dispatch，为您独家报道关于YG社长杨贤硕便秘将近半年的消息，以下是详细报道……】

“说好的关于权志龙的惊天大爆料呢，谁在意杨贤硕能不能拉出来屎了，我看D社是在拉屎才对，西巴诈骗报社”

“我预感这个月开塞露的出口量将会剧增，发货地绝大都数都是韩国”

“什么是开塞露，是饮料吗？我从来没听过这个品牌”

“OK，删干净了，保证他们中午的时候连个屁都发不出来。”

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